Starlight
by Michaela Bjoerndalen
Summary: Hermione Granger-Snape remembers the love of her life while watching the cold light of the distant stars.


**Starlight.**

**Summary**: Hermione Granger-Snape remembers the love of her life while watching the cold light of the distant stars.

**Disclaimer**: All the names and characters belong to JKR; I own nothing except the plot of this story and the poem used there.

In the darkness of a big but cozy bedroom sat a weeping bushy-haired young woman. She was desperately crying. It was clear that something terrible happened with Professor Granger-Snape. Usually she was very self-possessed and dispassionate and never allowed her emotions to take advantage of the situation. Hermione wiped away a new trace of tears that emerged from her eyes. It had been nearly two hours since she learned that her husband had been killed. Remembering Severus brought another wave of uncontrollable sobs. The girl raised her head from her arms and looked at the clear sky outside the window. There were bright stars there. Any other time Hermione would have watched them with interest but now she had no desire to do such a thing. The stars seemed too cold and too distant to bring her comfort.

There're only several stars at night

That she sees from her window

But their cold and distant light

Can't save a grieving widow

Why? Why had life to be so cruel to her? What had she done to deserve this? She was so young and she loved her husband so much. Theirs had been a long way to find the happiness that they deserved and now when they had finally found it Fate took away from her the only person she had ever loved and cared for in her entire life. This wasn't the way they had planned things. They had gotten married only seven months before. They had been planning on having a sweet baby: Severus had wanted a boy and she had been dreaming about a girl. But the unfair Fate had obviously had other plans.

Why? Why did Severus die? Why did he leave her here? She was completely alone in the world now. She had already lost her parents and most of her friends in the War. But now she lost the only person who was able to give her so desperately needed light and hope in the life. Severus. She would never be able to see him again. She would never be able to feel his soft touch. "I'm absolutely alone without you,"-she whispered. She would never be able to forget him. It was beyond her power. The feeling of loneliness overwhelmed her.

She is so young and so alone

The world seems so unright

She can't forget that _he_ is gone

Now she's alone at night

Hermione suddenly remembered their first kiss. She smiled sadly. It was how it had all started. It happened during the Yule Ball in her seventh year. Draco Malfoy decided to take revenge on her for humiliating his poor skills in Potions. "If you love Potions so much, perhaps you'll like our greasy Potions Master as well". Hermione didn't take his words seriously until she was trapped under the Christmas mistletoe with her Professor. Malfoy was smiling wickedly at them. Snape couldn't find the counter curse even after her explanation. "Well, miss Granger; it seems that there is only one solution of our problem". Before she could protest, he pulled her closer and softly touched her lips in a chaste but lingering kiss.

Hermione thought she saw the face of her late husband in the sky among the stars. He was smiling that genial smile only she knew existed. She blinked. The tears kept her from seeing it properly, but she thought she saw Severus walking between the stars and turning once again to see her face. Whether it was only the imagination of her ill mind or the truth of life in the magical world she would never know now. Her pain hurt her so much, that she was unable to think of it anymore. There was only one thought left in her mind. "I can't live my life without you! It will be empty. I don't want to live an empty life. Maybe if I die than we can be together again". She understood that she would do anything to be near him again. Just to see him, to touch him. She didn't want to stay on this earth alone.

The stars are showing her _his_ way

She feels there's nothing here

And no more does she want to stay:

She wants _him_ to be near

After that fateful kiss they made sure not to see each other very often. Only during the NEWTS level Potions classes. Hermione was afraid of the man. Well, not of the man as she understood later, but of her feelings for him. It suddenly turned out that she started dreaming about him. In her sleep he came to her, caressed her cheek and whispered stupid things to her. They went for long walks around the castle and sometimes they kissed. Hermione was very ashamed of these dreams, but could do nothing. She wanted to be kissed by him again and again. What was worse, she soon started daydreaming about her Professor. She sat with dreamy eyes and a far away expression on her face during his lessons. This unnerved him greatly.

Severus understood that he had to do something with the girl and what was more, with his own feelings. Hermione didn't know his attitude towards this problem though, until he asked her to stay after class one day. Snape, not knowing what to do with his longing and respect for the girl and seeing her daydreaming all the time (about some stupid boy, no doubt) decided to make Hermione his personal assistant. This way he'd stay close enough and would save the girl from some young Don Juan. Little did he know that the only person Hermione wanted was he.

They managed to be civil to each other the first day after Hermione had gladly accepted his invitation. Then they became somewhat of distant friends. Severus showed her his library, knowing that this was a quick way to seduce Hermione to his side. By the time of the Graduation Ball he asked her to be his apprentice so that she could become a Potions Mistress herself. She agreed with such happiness in her eyes that Snape understood he was forever lost for all the other women on the planet. She stayed in Hogwarts castle for two more years, practicing her skills with him. They often went to the Forbidden forest to gather ingredients for Potions they brewed. Secretly each of them imagined these walks as dates with his or her beloved ones. But they still avoided thinking about it.

Even now, sitting in the dark room and crying those hundred tears that still remained in her eyes, Hermione couldn't understand how and where she had gathered the courage to invite him to dinner on the day of her twenty first birthday. And since that time it seemed that a wall between them had been finally broken. They started seeing each other after work often. And after some time Severus was the first to gather his courage and speak about his love. They got married in two months. Hermione sighed. She couldn't reach Severus now but she wanted him to be near so desperately. "How? How could this ever happen?" Again those sobs that she couldn't stop or control and didn't want to. "Severus!"

Her husband. Her beloved.

He is beyond her reach now

And all the hundred tears she cried,

While wondering: "Just how?"

How could this happen to her? How could this happen to him? They were so happy. Hermione had become a Potions Mistress at Hogwarts soon after their marriage. And Severus had decided to work as an Auror, as this was the job he had been doing for the past twenty years protecting them from Voldemort. He worked in pair with Harry and they got on surprisingly well thanks to Hermione. So it was not a surprise when Harry flooed to their rooms in Hogwarts castle this morning. There was an emergency. A runaway criminal took his own four year old daughter as his hostage and promised to kill her. It was the last time she saw her husband. Harry explained to her later, that when the Aurors finally got the opportunity to seize the criminal, he quickly took another wand from his pocket and send Avada Kedavra at the poor child. Severus was the first to react. Without the second thought he stood between the girl and the green ray of the killing curse.

Hermione knew that her husband felt guilty for the death of wizards as well as muggles during the war with the Dark Lord. She also knew that he would do everything to save just one more innocent life. But she didn't understand how to live her life without Severus now. She loved him so much that it almost hurt. She had no purpose now. The only way she saw from this situation was death. Her death. She simply couldn't find any other way out. She looked at the sky again. He was somewhere there, among the stars. They were the only witnesses of her grief. But even they couldn't give her comfort. How would she live her life now? How could she stay here without Severus? How?

How will she live her life

Without her sweetheart?

For there are only stars to hide

Her grief in their cold light…

Hermione wanted to die as she couldn't imagine her further life. But somehow she knew that Severus would be disappointed if she threw away her life because of him. That meant that she wouldn't do such a thing. She wouldn't let her husband feel guilty about yet another ruined life. Her life. She'd have to learn to live a new life now. A life without light. A life without love. A life without Severus…


End file.
